This friend, who I have not seen for almost a decade, lost his mother after a terrible ordeal with her Alzheimer’s. I went to the funeral, several hundred miles away and near where we grew up. It gave us the opportunity to reacquaint, and I think this ordeal took up too much emotional bandwidth, and time, for him to be the friend he had been.

After the funeral we met a bar for a couple of drinks and renewed our friendship. I just called him, two weeks later, and it was fantastic. He’s definitely a 3 and I’m very happy about knowing that fact.

Thanks for that comment.

>>I don’t think of this article as a suggestion to consider as much as insight into what is already true and becoming comfortable with how to deal with it.

I learned from this observation of yours.

Chip

To Beirne: I think a standard objection other people have to GTD is that they want things to be “more fluid.” As I am sure you have learned, nothing makes you more fluid than to have GTD skills. Just as GTD has made me better on all fronts, it’s helped me to be a better friend and to be a better judge of the time and resources I allocate to people.

To FrRalphZ: Thanks for the Aristotle reference. As a classics and philosophy student, and admirer of Aristotle, his writings on friendship were an influence in my thinking about this topic.

To Ed: It’s important to be objective in evaluating how important persons are in your life. I like the FaceBook idea a lot.

To Todd: I manage my life, and part of that is that I’ve learned to manage the time, emotional energy, and others resources I devote to people. Personally, I don’t have a problem with the word “manage” but if you like the idea but not that word, re-name it for yourself.

Thanks to all for writing.

I think your categories of friendship are useful conceptually, but I’m not sure one should use “friendship” and “management” in the same sentence. Perhaps your matrix can be used to “keep track of” or “follow” your friends, or to “enhance” or even to “organize” your friend “contacts,” but “manage” suggests control and hierarchy, and mostly in business. Even in public agencies, schools, hospitals, and similar not-for-profit organizations, the word “management” is eschewed in favor “administration.” But even in the business world, one sometimes hears that you “manage” machines, but you “lead” people. I think the distinction is worth maintaining.

Best,

Todd Carney

http://www.mctoonish.com/blog/?p=486

Somehow I could see this idea becoming some sort of facebook app!

Once we recognize the handful of true, virtuous friendships in our lives, deciding how to set our priorities and where to spend our time becomes much clearer indeed.